Won't Someone Fuck Me So I Don't Have To Vote For Donald Trump Again?

Is it just me, or have women been on their periods since January 20th?

Seriously. Nobody wants to fuck me. And that’s a problem.

Sure, some people are fucking. But I’m not. And it’s because of my politics, which is some bullshit. The first amendment clearly states that women can’t not fuck me just because I don’t think they’re allowed to stop me from procreating inside their wombs. Look it up.

Here’s one kind of diversity the so-called tolerant left won’t stand for: MENTAL diversity. See, they think all white men are the same, so they only want to fuck the ones that believe that they deserve sexual autonomy and the right to decide what to do with their own bodies. But think of all the DIVERSITY that they’re not exposing themselves to. Why can’t they expose themselves to me, just this once, huh?

We’re talking about fundamental fairness, here. You see, sixty-three percent of women aged 18 to 29 voted for Hillary Clinton. Women 30 and over are practically menopausal, so they’re out. If we can’t fuck people who disagree with us, well, who are we supposed to fuck? The Republican Party? Might as well change the name to the Sausage Party, amiright? If liberals really wanted to level the economic playing field, why don't they start by leveling my sexual playing field?

I’m not unreasonable. Hell, I’d even consider voting for Bernie Sanders in 2020 if it would get me some pussy. I’m not dumb enough to think Donald Trump is a good president. I’m just principled enough to know the world is better if women aren’t in charge of anything.

To paraphrase a great poem: First, they stopped fucking the fascists, and I did not speak up, because I was not a fascist.

Where will we draw the line? Your move, America.

#DonaldTrump #satire #sexualautonomy